Freedom from Negativity
Negativity is an overall attitude that one may have about something, whether it is actually a problem or not.
Negativity refers to a certain way people can see things, a label that people can put on what they see, and a way of describing one's feelings about what they see. The problem here lies with people's minds. Our minds have a tendency to default to the negative, and to look at things in negative ways. This means that people often expect the worst unless they are able to think positively.
People who are negative are always skeptical of suggestions, and tend to reject any advice. While this is used as a survival mechanism to be able to find what is wrong in a situation and shield oneself from danger, this is not a healthy way to live life and develop connections with other people.
Do you see the glass as being half empty or half full? If you tend to think in a positive way, you will always see the glass as being half full, because you are looking on the bright side of things.
But if you see the glass as being half-empty, you are focusing on the weaknesses of the glass rather than its strengths.
Whenever a challenge comes up, a negative person will default to predicting a negative outcome before it has even happened. Being a negative thinker is also referred to as being a pessimist.
Negative thoughts are often the product of established patterns that are related to our belief systems. This could be about a variety of things, such as self-esteem, productivity, finances, relationships, a career, or anything else.
If you want to understand where your negative thinking comes from, there are several things that you should consider.
Do you find that you complain a lot, or are often sarcastic?
Do you blame other people and never accept blame yourself?
Some others include:
Often criticizing people
Being attracted to drama
Having a victim mentality
Always expecting the worst
Feeling depressed
Taking things personally
Dwelling on bad news
One important thing to know is that when you are around negative people, you will become more negative yourself. Negativity tends to be contagious.
When you have negative thoughts, your brain gets into fight-or-flight mode (remember the polyvagal article?!).
This stress response was great for people who lived many generations ago and had to be aware of natural predators, but in our current culture, it is not necessary for survival. Having chronic stress is detrimental on people's health, both physically and mentally. It impacts one's overall well-being, even if that person does not realize it. If you live in fear, you may also miss out on possibilities because you are holding yourself back. Constantly being in a negative emotional state can even lead to eating disorders, including both over-eating and not eating enough, which both can further impact one's health. This can lead to weight gain or weight loss that happens quickly and in ways that at harmful to your vital organs.
Being negative also influences those around you, including your friends, co-workers, family, and children, who can then grow up to be negative people themselves. If you are unable to see the positive aspect of things, or you fail to have faith or trust in anyone, you are putting yourself at risk for leading an unhappy life. This will cause you to live without any peace of mind because you will be in a constant state of conflict.
One way to find freedom from negativity is called "The Freedom Practice" and I wanted to share it with you because it can be so useful in gaining freedom from styles of thinking that don't serve us and keep us stuck in stress, anxiety, depression, and even our addictive behaviors.
Sometimes I call these styles of thinking "Mind Traps."
Mind traps are styles like catastrophizing, blaming, and exaggerating the negative and discounting the positive or just your most common negative thoughts.
The Freedom Practice
When you first notice a mind trap or common negative thought, first stop, take an intentional deep breath and from this more mindful space, move through these next four steps (Name, Feel, Release, Redirect):
1. Name it - Actually name the style of thinking or behaving that isn't serving you in your mind or say it out loud (e.g., overeating, catastrophic thinking, grumpiness, etc.). This not only creates more awareness for you, but also has been found to bring more activity to the part of your brain that has to do with emotional regulation.
2. Feel it - Recognize how this moment feels in the body. This grounds us to the reality of the moment and gives us access to a choice point.
3. Release it - Practice this phrase in concert with the breath, "Breathing in, I acknowledge the feeling that's here; breathing out, I release it."
4. Redirect it - Shift your attention to something that is healthier and/or more important to pay attention to. Bring this awareness into the moments of your day, dropping into what really matters.
This practice was inspired by my work with the evidence-based program, Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) which used to be offered in only select areas and MBCT is now offered live online so it doesn't matter where you are in the country you can have access to it. Remember, most importantly, this is a learning process. That means don't measure success by whether "it works" every time or not, instead you're training your brain to name, recognize, release, and redirect. Mastery is only created with a learning mindset. Like learning how to ride a bike, as you practice and repeat this over time, your brain will start making this more automatic.
Other things you can do to fight negativity:
1. Choose faith over feelings - whatever you have faith in, whether that is God or joy or happiness or peace or some combination of those.
You may feel like throwing in the towel, when the situation seems less than favorable. But, this is when you will have to make the decision to choose faith over feelings. Faith is a call to believe when things are not sunny or even looking up. If you are a person that tends to give up easily, challenge yourself to choose faith. In times of negativity, promise yourself that you will not doubt God and his promises. Look past your thoughts and the feelings that they invoke. Be who you were meant to be.
2. Change Your Environment
We know that we have to move past our feelings when negative thoughts occur. But, we may also need to move past our physical environment. Something as small as a breath of fresh air could change your way of thinking and have you ready to reframe those negative opinions.
3. Communicate With Others
Sometimes we just have to get out of our own heads. So, it could be beneficial to seek counsel if you are dealing with negative thoughts and self-talk. I am the first to admit that I could use a bit more encouragement in sharing my feelings and thoughts with my closest family and friends. Progress matters, and efforts count! However, each time I have shared some of the confidence breakers that I have been dealing with, my family and friends have made me feel so much better. They have prayed for me and spoken life right back into me. My family and friends provided me with strength to fight the negative thoughts and continue on in my purpose. You may not be at a point that you are ready to talk with others. If not, pray or sing or write poetry or do what you need to do to help express those thoughts and words that are plaguing you.
4. Write or Journal or Create in some way - anything that is right-brained will help, because those ruminating thoughts are all left-brained. Maybe you redecorate. Maybe you draw stick figures. Maybe you collage. Maybe you garden. Whatever is your creative expression, do more of that! Or Journal - You may find it therapeutic to simply write about your day or even those negative words that are weighing you down. Then, combat those words by writing verses (scriptures, poems, movie quotes) related to your mind and negative thoughts. Through writing, you may clearly see that the negative thoughts and self-talk are not true or how others actually see you. You could also write affirmations to stop negative thinking. They can be effective in fighting negative thinking or redirecting you back to the positive while you build new neural pathways and healthier thought patterns and good habits.
Remember, thinking negatively is second nature to a lot of people. We often do it and don't even realize we are doing so. But has it gotten to the point where others have criticized you for being negative? If so, then this is a habit that can severely hamper your social standing. The truth is, being negative won't get you very far. The more negative you are, the worse you will likely feel, which just starts an ugly cycle.
Finally, remember that you have the power to pick and choose whom you spend your time with. You should consider your options wisely in order to get the best outcome.
1. Who in your life is negative? Identify the negative people in your life who may be bringing you down. Specifically, think about how the people you are spending time with make you feel.
2. Distance yourself. Put some distance between you and any friends, family members, or co-workers who you think may be contributing to your negativity. Limit the amount of time you spend with them, and make sure to monitor your feelings when you are around them so you can know when it is time to leave.
3. If they are family, you can simply reduce the time you spend around them. If certain family members shows signs of being a toxic person, maybe limit your time with them to just holidays and birthdays, especially if you find that they bring you down on a regular basis. Chances are, if you feel this way about a family member, there are other people in the family who feel the same way.
4. Don't feel guilty about cutting negative people from your life. You have to do what is best for you. The positive effects this will have on your life will outweigh the negative.
5. Don't argue with the negative people, or get drawn into their drama. Just decrease the time you spend with them. Fade out. Do not engage in problems that are stemming from negativity. Instead, keep your positive attitude and walk away.
6. Like attracts like. If you want to be positive, surround yourself with positive people. They will help you maintain your happiness. Make some new positive friends. Not only will they make you feel good, but they will also rub off on you. Remember, you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, so make sure those people are positive. Try to emulate their positive attitude. When you act positive long enough, you begin to become positive.
7. Take up a new hobby. Find a hobby that other positive people enjoy. This way, you can meet some like-minded people who enjoy doing the same things that you do. Having a hobby is actually quite good for you in many ways. Pick one (or two) from these lists of hobbies for men and hobbies for women. Recite Positive Affirmations (see above). You can use positive affirmations to re-frame your thinking and change your attitude about life. Affirmations are short, positive statements that will encourage you to focus on your goals while getting rid of your self-defeating beliefs.
8. Re-program your mind. Here are some examples of more affirmations that you can use:
I can let go of small things.
I can always find a silver lining.
I will start looking at the glass as being half-full.
I am in control.
I will replace criticism with compliments.
9. Adopt an affirmation habit. Take some time every day to repeat 5-10 positive affirmations. You can do this however often you feel like you need to, but make it a point to stop at least twice a day to take the time to do this.
What are some of the negative thoughts that you commonly have? Think about how you could possibly replace these thoughts with positive ones. Create a positive spin wherever you can.
10. Practice replacing negative thoughts with positive. Let's say that you always dread waking up in the morning and getting out of bed. Turn that around into looking forward to waking up and starting a new day.
11. Recognize when you are falling into negative thinking patterns. Some signs that you are falling into a negative thought pattern include limiting your thoughts to black-and-white beliefs without considering anything in the middle, trying to predict the future, making over-generalizations, and catastrophizing small events. Cultivate a growth mindset to help you overcome negative thinking and improve your life.
12. Make the effort. Changing your negative thoughts to positive ones requires a conscious effort. To eliminate negative thoughts, you need to recognize them and actively replace them with positive thoughts. This is similar to replacing former beliefs that don't benefit you with ones that do.
Also, practicing gratitude is a huge factor in overall life satisfaction. It is important to realize how grateful you are for the things around you and stop to appreciate the small things in life. Actively practice gratitude in order to stop being negative.
13. Do this regularly. People who practice gratitude on a regular basis by stopping to reflect upon the things they are thankful for have more positive feelings, get better sleep, are more compassionate, and have stronger immune systems.
14. Remind yourself of what is good in your life. These may be small things that someone wouldn't normally notice, like the pretty flowers you pass on your commute to work or the fresh foods you have available to eat.
15. Get a gratitude journal and write three things you are grateful for every morning. Your gratitude writings could be written on toilet paper and the theory behind gratitude will still work. You don't "need" fancy gratitude journals. BUT… they do make the process easier. Check out the best gratitude journals to help you in the process of daily gratitude journaling. If you start your day off with gratitude, you are setting yourself up to practice gratitude for the rest of the day. It also helps start your day out on a positive note.
16. Stop complaining. Where does complaining get you, anyway? Nowhere. So just stop it!
17. Tell someone you love them. Whether it is someone who you say this to all of the time or someone you have never said it to before, go ahead and tell people how you feel.
18. Don't gossip or listen to anyone gossiping. Gossiping is toxic. Don't get wrapped up in it, or involved with other people who enjoy this negative activity. Gossiping is only one of the many bad habits you should break if you want to get rid of negativity in your life.
19. Say "Thank You." If someone does something nice for you, no matter how small it is, tell them that you are grateful. If someone holds the door for you or lets you into their lane in a traffic jam, either say thank you or give a friendly wave and smile to show your gratitude. If you want to extend your thanks in a professional setting, write a thoughtful "thank you" card. "Thank you" is more than about acknowledging kindness. It makes you feel better and another person feel better. It is a true win-win, and can even be instrumental in deepening casual relationships.
20. Express yourself. Tell people the positive feelings that you experience. This will help spread the joy to the people who are around you.
Feeling like you are in control is a big factor in staying positive. You realize you can make your own choices and your life can go however you want it to go. Make your own decisions about what you do with your time and who you spend your time with.
21. Stop mind-reading. Making assumptions and trying to read other people's minds will result in an acceleration of the fear that already exists in your mind. It can increase your anxiety and lead to a sense of panic. It is important to remember that your thoughts are only thoughts-they are not real circumstances. Finally, never assume that someone is doing (or not doing) something because of you or something you did.
22. Stop watching the news. There is way too much negativity in the news. Spend your time watching something more uplifting-or, better yet, get involved in a hobby that makes you happy and gives you a sense of purpose.
23. Set goals. Make your goals small but achievable, and then reward yourself when you succeed. Having goals is inherently optimistic because it allows you to continue to have faith that you will accomplish things that are out of the norm.
24. Stop multitasking. Do one thing at a time, and do it well. When you try to multitask, you are not doing anything really well and you're also wasting your time-you are just doing a lot of things to get them crossed off of your to-do list. If you want to be productive and succeed, pay attention to one thing at a time.
25. Do things that have a purpose. When you finish doing something, you want to feel like you have accomplished a task. Do things that have a purpose, such as volunteering or getting some exercise. There are a lot of things you can do to give you a sense of purpose.
26. Don't think about the past. Ruminating is not a healthy thing to do. Try to live in the moment rather than thinking about the past or worrying about the future.
27. Get more done. The more productive you are, the better you will feel. Do your best to use your time wisely so you can be efficient in the work that you do and stop wasting time on things that do not benefit your life or lead you to your ultimate goals.
28. Rest. Your body needs appropriate rest to rejuvenate itself and recover from the day. Make sure that you sleep on a schedule so you are not trying to play catch-up with your sleep after a long week.
29. Eat healthy. Eating healthy will make you feel good inside and out. This will help you stay positive and feel good about yourself.
30. Exercise. Exercise increases endorphins, which will naturally make you feel good and be positive. Try to get moderate exercise at least five days per week for 45 minutes each day. This will help stop negativity.
31. Reduce your social media time. Not only is your time being wasted on social media, but you are also probably spending a lot of time comparing your life with the lives of others. Spend as little time as possible on social media, and, if possible, remove it completely.
32. Live your life, not theirs. Don't worry what other people are doing or what they have in their lives. Live your life as best you can, and don't try to be someone else or compare yourself to others.
33. Stay clean and organized. Living and working in a tidy area makes a huge difference in your stress. Clean up your space, putting away anything that you don't use on a daily basis and leaving a lot of clear space so you don't feel overwhelmed by a mess.
34. Make a "to do" list. If you feel overwhelmed in your life, write down everything you need to do. Not only will this help you have a visual representation of the things you need to accomplish, it will also make you feel really good as you are able to cross things off your list.
35. Cut things out of your life. If you participate in activities or events that you don't enjoy, don't spend your time doing them. Leave as much time as you can to do things that you really enjoy doing so you will spend less time dreading things or wishing you were somewhere else.
36. Say "no" more often. Don't feel obligated to do things that other people want you to do. Only say "yes" to things that you have time to do, and things that you actually want to do.
Generally, your mind can produce two categories of thoughts-positive and negative. Your thoughts influence your emotions and change how you feel. Positive thoughts make you feel good. Negative thoughts make you feel unpleasant. It certainly takes some practice to stop negativity and start having a positive outlook on life. But if you are able to change your perspective on things, you will be able to live a more fulfilling and purposeful life. Start with the steps mentioned in this article and see what changes they make in your overall well-being.
